He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
