Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
