WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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