It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
