I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
