No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My bed smells like the plague
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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