My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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