so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
