What did we do last night that was yellow?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
