Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
