i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
