apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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