She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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