I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
