yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
