Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
