Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
