I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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