I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
