Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
