I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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