Apparently you make a good broom.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
