For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
