Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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