did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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