I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
