she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
