He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
