Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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