I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Who died my cat blue again?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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