so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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