I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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