Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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