This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
