im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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