did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
