i permit you to call me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
