He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
