So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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