I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
