Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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