do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
