i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A bitchslap is in order.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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