Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
