i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
