Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
