My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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