if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
