tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
