On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
