I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
