his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
