my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Shitshow foam night was such a success
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
