it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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