if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
