sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
