is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
