So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
