If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
